Brevity is not just the soul of wit, it is a key target in all RFP response writing. And where one cannot be brief, one must use layout techniques, like bullets, that help evaluators see your content at a glance. Long sentences and paragraphs work against your objective: getting good marks for your content. We can all take a lesson from Charles Darwin in this regard . . .
“If, during the long course of ages and under varying conditions of life, organic beings vary at all in the several parts of their organisation, and I think this cannot be disputed; if there be, owing to the high geometrical powers of increase of each species, at some age, season, or year, a severe struggle for life, and this certainly cannot be disputed; then, considering the infinite complexity of the relations of all organic beings to each other and to their conditions of existence, causing an infinite diversity in structure, constitution and habits, to be advantageous to them, I think it would be a most extraordinary fact if no variation had occurred useful to each being’s own welfare, in the same way as so many variations have occurred useful to man. But if variations useful to any organic being do occur, assuredly individuals thus characterised will have the best chance of being preserved in the struggle for life; and from the strong principle of inheritance, they will tend to produce offspring similarly characterised. This principle of preservation, I have called, for the sake of brevity, Natural Selection.” (Darwin, 1859)
In the context of a book on natural selection published in 1859, such a passage evidently did not require editorial intervention. Presumably, Victorian readers were prepared to read such a passage.
In the context of a book on the Galapagos published in 1993 (Galapagos, A Natural History, Michael H. Jackson) within a section on evolutionary pressures on resident flora and fauna, such a quoted passage does not require editorial comment. Presumably, modern readers interested in the topic are prepared to wade through it.
In the context of an RFP response, such a passage does not necessarily require editorial comment (although it’s likely to get it), but it does require editorial intervention. For a certainty, evaluators will not sit still for writing like this. Moreover, unlike Darwin, most of us lack the capacity to keep track of such a lengthy train of thought within one sentence. This is why the proposal gods gave us bullets.
On a side note, the definition of, or standard for, “brevity” has changed a tad during th elong course of decades since 1859. I think this cannot be disputed.